Daddy, Pop, Papa... The Black Father

Ask anyone who knows me and they know I love my daddy. They know I love watching my husband as dada! In my close circle, my best friends love their daddy’s and step-daddy’s and have revered their fathers since they were little girls. As a little girl, daddy is your first love and your first hero. My dad growing up was my biggest critic yet my biggest cheerleader. He pushed me to be the very best in whatever sport, activity or educational venture I attempted. But with all the adoration, love and support our fathers and more specifically my father has shown me and my siblings, I find myself sad. Sad, in that the world just doesn’t see our Black men the way we do. Sad that George Floyd’s daughter sat on her father’s neck proclaiming he would change the world and yet an officer of the law kneeled on that same neck for almost 9 whole minutes and ended his life. In the current climate we find ourselves in, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that Father’s Day just hits a little different this year.

I can’t help but to smile when I think of my husband, brother and good friends as fathers, as they dote on their kids, providing love, stability and protection. But somehow their dedication, adoration and support is often drowned out by the negative perception, stereotypes and narratives written by our society. So as I sit and reflect on the current climate of the world today, I feel a responsibility to acknowledge the unique journey that Black men take on as fathers and to shine a light on how much of an impact the Black men in my life have shaped and molded me into a go-getting, loving wife, mother and friend.
In a word, I would describe both my husband and father as calculated. From how they dress to work, to the car they drive I know them to be very intentional in attempt to control the perception from society everywhere they go. To be taken seriously and to be respected in their respective fields of work they are careful to speak gently, always professional, non-confrontational and remain patient with their colleagues. It is as if they have to wear a mask at work to protect others from their perceived notions of how a Black man behaves. And it is no surprise that their colleagues, advisors, and friends love them. They are charismatic, intelligent and loving people. But wearing a mask can be draining and yet they do it every day as a means to support their family.

Growing up I can recall my dad getting dressed, shining his shoes and letting me help him tie his tie in the mornings. I remember the long hours he worked and also the respect and kind words his colleagues would always speak of him when I went to visit him at his office. And as I got older after working those 12 hours days I remember him watching every soccer and basketball practice and chiming in with his 2 cents of how I could correct my shot or make a move on the soccer field. I also remember him crumpling up my homework when I made an error to start over, because the mistakes we can control we should. I remember him not allowing me to get certain colors in my hair. Without the blatant “talk” we seemingly are forced to have with our children today, he steadily prepared me to be the best I could be. He encouraged me to work hard as hard work would always beat out talent when talent didn’t work hard.

I see the same in my husband as he tirelessly combats the negative stereotypes that have directly affected his own life. He goes out of his way to make others feel comfortable and is always aware of the power of his presence in all settings professionally, socially and otherwise. Without the example of his own father, he is able to juggle career and family life. I love seeing the relationship between him and Kinsley as he dotes on her and smiles shyly from the corner as she learns something new. The pride, the love and adoration he has for her is undeniable and I am so blessed to have him.

I pray that these stories of love and adoration for our Black fathers become the norm. So as we continue to shatter the negative stereotypes of the Black father and the projections made on them, may they feel celebrated, loved and empowered today and all days! For I see you working tirelessly to provide, to love and to care for your family. I see you breaking generational curses and healing family traumas. I encourage you to stay strong, prayed up and empowered to keep climbing. Keep rewriting the narrative with positive stories and images of you and your children because we love us some you! Happy Father’s Day!!!!!!!!

Love ya Mean it,

Nateanah