10 Things Every New mama Should Know
So you’re a mommy now and while having your little one was probably one of the best moments of your life there really is no handbook for being a “good” parent. I’ll continue to say this because I still am in disbelief, but they just let you leave the hospital with your new little human. It is most definitely an on the job training type of gig. It is assumed that once you have a baby everything just comes naturally, but the truth of the matter is we all start from scratch in this new territory. We are all on a learning curve when it comes to caring for our children. And if you ask my mom, that learning continues forever, through all stages of life.
There is so much truth in the saying, “aint no hood like motherhood”. Hell those first couple months can take you out if you don’t pace yourself lol. It’s a beautiful thing becoming a mother, but hunty it’s also HARD. Your time is not your own and you have a whole human who is depending on you in more ways than one. My favorite and most recent reminder is the constant knocking at the door whenever mommy tries to go potty in private. Long gone are those days of privacy and instead it has becomes a teaching moment. It’s so precious to hear Kinsley say “Mama, boo-boo” and I say “no baby, pee pee”. How can I not enjoy that cute little voice, even though all I want to do is handle my business right quick?
There’s so many mommy moments and tid bits I’ve learned since becoming a parent and although I could list way more than you’d care to read, I’ll stick to 10. I was challenged the other day with naming 7 things every man and woman should know and that went viral. My friend and I had a lot of fun with that one and I couldn’t get it down to 7, so I thought I’d give my list of 10 things every mama should know.
1. How to ask for help.
You are only one woman and not superwoman at that. Perfection is a tall feat, so ask for help and accept it. And don’t feel guilty either because everything else on your list is still on you. You deserve it and need the help to get other things done or to just recharge your battery.
2. Who’s in your village?
Parenting wasn’t designed to be done solo, that’s why it took two to tango. Note that I did not say it cannot be done solo. And to maintain your sanity and any feelings of self, you’re going to need to identify and call on your “village”. We have all heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child and they weren’t playing. These people are those who you trust completely with your child when you’re not or cannot be around. Whether you’re perfect patty, accompanied by a dope daddy or thuggin’ it out on your own, at some point someone else is helping you raise your child. It could be grandparents, daycare, friends, God parents, teachers or coaches, but someone is helping out paid or for free. And choose wisely as your child‘s well-being and your trust is in their hands.
3. Where is the bathroom?
LOCATE. LOCATE, LOCATE. There’s a plethora of reasons why this is important besides the obvious, but just like they say you should always know your means to exit, as a mom the bathroom is first thing to locate in any room/space.
4. How to change a diaper anywhere.
From the back seat of a car to your lap, sometimes shit just can’t wait (see what I did there lol). Depending on your current situation it may call for some creativity, so don’t stress just find a park bench or put the stroller in recline and get that baby into a clean diaper.
5. How to stick to your parenting style and stop comparing.
Your journey will not be identical to anyone else’s and guess what, you know what’s best for your child. Along with a new baby comes a lot of opinions and “advice”. I use the word advice loosely, because you will need to discern what will work for you and your baby and what’s just noise. If your friend on Instagram is potty training their baby at 6 months and teaching them Portuguese, good for them. It’s so easy to get caught up in comparing milestones and development, but do yourself and your baby a favor, DON’T. Trust your gut because no one knows your baby like you.
6. How to be flexible, things will not always go as planned.
We want everything to be perfect for our little babies when they enter the world, so we plan and prepare and when they get here they change things up completely. Sidenote: I don’t even know why they give due date’s anymore because these children choose their own entry date. From getting a good latch if you’re a breastfeeding mom to getting a routine sleeping pattern, the unknown in these territories can be stressful when they don’t go as planned. Being flexible and going with the flow is best for your sanity and your baby. You will figure things out together!
7. Your relationship will be tested.
Resentment comes to mind here. As a new mother your body, time and space are not your own. Staying home with our daughter for 4 months was a blessing, but after my husband returned to work I started resenting his ability to come and go. My husband is the best partner and daddy I could have chosen to have a child with, but he was having daily adult interaction while I was home with baby all day and it was annoying. And on the weekends when he would meet up with friends for drinks or a night out, I envied his freedom. Don’t be alarmed because I’m pretty sure this is normal and let’s not forget those hormones are still raging big time in those early months. I could go from watching him read Kinsley a story, rocking her on his knees with pure adornment to watching him sleep with an anger ridden expression on my face as he took a mid-afternoon nap. As we began to get more of a flow with Kinsley my envy lessened and I began to take time for myself here and there. That was the key.
8. Who your pediatrician is and how to reach them in an emergency.
Know your pediatricians contact information, how to reach them in an emergency and walk with your child’s insurance card.
9. How to give yourself a break.
Nurture thine self. You’re doing it all- mothering, wife-ing, cooking, cleaning, getting yourself dressed in the mornings and combing your hair, supporting family and friends, so give yourself some credit and take a break. Take a moment to let it out and cry. Go get a mani/pedi. Go for a walk. Go out with your girlfriends for a drink. Go on date night. Just go. Remember that village we discussed earlier? Here’s when you call on them. It’s for your own sanity girl, just go.
10. Friendships will change.
You’re not a single-minded person anymore. Even as a married person there is more freedom than when you have a child. And some friends may get it and some won’t. That’s ok. Don’t be offended when you don’t get invited or can’t go. It may hurt your feelings, but I’m almost positive old friends assume you can’t go or won’t want to go and just stop asking.
Bottom line is we are all doing the best we can every day. That looks differently for everyone and we have to remember that and celebrate that. And for those who feel unseen, I see you- keep up the great work and adjust that crown baby girl!
What other must have items would you add to the list? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Love ya Mean it,
